Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
