she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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