Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
