If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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