Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
