how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
