jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My penis needs a shock collar
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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