I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
