As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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