If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
