Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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