my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
