Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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