Why are handjobs necessary in class?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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