I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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