No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
