the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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