I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
