I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
