yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
