I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
