he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
