if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
