So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
