So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I intend to get homeless drunk
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
