Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
