My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize