It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
