this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
