So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
