You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
