Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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