I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
