sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
