I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
