i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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