I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
