he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
