yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
