I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
