I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
