oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize