My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
