i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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