The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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