Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
