I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
