People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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