I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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