Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
