Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
