Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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