I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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