Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize