He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
