Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
