Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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