So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
