okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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