I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i drank out of a bidet.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
