i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize