I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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