He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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