I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
