Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
