Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
