Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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